Parenting Through Divorce: Lessons from This Week’s Conversations About Children

BBC’s Moly Gorman writes about how adult children are affected by “grey divorce”.

Last week, a BBC Future article on grey divorce (divorces among older couples) sparked widespread discussion online about the overlooked impact of parental separation on adult children. While most research and conversations focus on young kids, these stories revealed how devastating late-life divorce can feel for grown children who thought their family foundation was unshakable.

The online debate quickly broadened, touching on long-term mental health, academic struggles, intergenerational effects, custody reform, and, thankfully, stories of resilience.

Here’s what parents navigating divorce can take away.

Grey Divorce and Adult Children: A Hidden Toll

Many adult children shared feelings of betrayal, grief, and disorientation after their parents’ late-life split. Rituals like holidays suddenly feel hollow, and some reported identity crises rooted in “Who am I, if my family isn’t what I thought it was?”

This conversation challenges the assumption that children “grow out of” divorce. The truth: parental separation reshapes family dynamics at any age.

Emotional and Psychological Impacts: The Echoes of Divorce

Research and personal stories alike highlighted how divorce can increase risks of:

• Anxiety and depression

• Lower self-esteem

• Higher rates of suicide attempts

One statistic cited in online discussions: if family stability levels today matched those of 1960, there could be 70,000 fewer youth suicide attempts each year. Children of divorce are also 100–200% more likely to divorce themselves, suggesting intergenerational ripples.

Shared Parenting and Custody Reform

Advocates called attention to Kentucky’s 2018 shared parenting law, which presumes equal custody unless abuse is proven. Research shows children with involved fathers are:

• 80% less likely to go to jail

• More likely to attend college

• Stronger emotionally and academically

While custody battles are complex, the principle is clear: children thrive when both parents remain actively engaged.

Resilience and Positive Adjustment

Amid sobering statistics, encouraging perspectives also circulated: 75–80% of children adjust well within three years if parents:

• Maintain predictable routines

• Keep conflict low

• Provide consistent emotional support

In some cases, divorce even improves outcomes, especially when children are freed from toxic, high-conflict home environments.

What This Means for Parents Today

As parents, we can’t always control whether divorce happens. But we do control how children experience it. Whether they’re young or grown, three key practices can ease the transition:

1. Stability and Routines
   Children feel safe when life is predictable; bedtimes, school pick-ups, and even simple rituals like pizza night or Sunday walks provide grounding.

2. Conflict Reduction
   Countless studies confirm: children suffer more from ongoing hostility than from the separation itself. Prioritizing calm co-parenting, even when it’s hard, protects children’s mental health.

3. Building Resilience
   Therapy, open communication, and small acts of intentional parenting break cycles of pain. Divorce doesn’t have to define your child’s life story.

Moving the Conversation Forward

At Split Resilience, we believe divorce conversations shouldn’t live at extremes, either doom-filled or overly dismissive. The real story is one of agency: parents, even in moments of deep loss, can choose stability, compassion, and healing for their children.

As this week’s “grey divorce” debate reminds us, parenting doesn’t end when children leave home, and neither does the responsibility to consider how our choices affect them.